God disappointed me

Long time…yep I know…
    The title strikes as rude and disrespectful, but over the past few months I have been let down by our savior, friend, lover, and king. I have been through trials(emotional and physical). Also suffered with tough decisions and confrontations that led to more stress and difficulty handling in a godly manner. I been feeling like a failure, black sheep, and outcast. The more I tried to fit in the worse it got. When I gave up I was utterly alone. The worse part of all this was that I was feeling stuck in my relationship with God.

    Now, I understand the previous sentences could make you think that this is going to be my description as to why I no longer follow God, whom I feel has let me down. BUT. It is the exact opposite, it is slightly pulling me in. I will explain…I have lately been reading the Bible and it seems as though it is just words on a page. I began to pray a little bit more and let God, the wall, (don’t judge, it felt as if I was talking to the wall) know that I was angry and upset. Then just today I realized (or God brought it to my attention) that I have been expecting him based on my examples and not for who he is. So God did disappoint me based on my expectations, not for who he was. For instance, take a look at the example I have below:

   Imagine being in a friendship and expecting the other person to do everything the way you want. Well, news for you, it will not be a long lasting relationship.

   That is how I have been treating God and it ends now. Personally, I am thankful that he does not act like I think (I would be dead). I am much harder on myself, but what I forget to realize is that he loves me no matter what. Thank you God, Jesus, and holy spirit. He loves you too No Matter What.


Twisted Truths

Two topics I want to share today, one a question I was asked this week about so-called “Christians” and another about having life.

First off, I was asked a question earlier this week about a so-called Christian(sc) that knows the way, but does act in the way. This particular “sc” believes that you can practically do whatever you want in life, as long as you believe in Jesus then you are saved. Now, although there is some truth to this, I have another viewpoint. If you say you believe in someone you must also love this someone (to have feelings or beliefs is to have love). If you love this someone then you would not want to disappoint them. John 14:15, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” John 3:16, is true, but to just rely on that one word and never grow is foolish. Proverbs 1:7. It is foolish to know of God’s great wonder,but to never experience them. I also believe that faith(believing without seeing) is dead without good works(action behind belief) James 2:26. So what you choose is your choice, but to know God and not experience him would be a total waste.

Second, (switching gears) I was walking today and felt a little defeated because I did not meet my goal(once again). While I walked with my head slightly down I had a thought. If Jesus  would hang on a cross for me and conquer the world, then I surely can meet my goal. Even though it may not be right now, it will come to pass. He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, Jeremiah 29:11. So I will have hope in Him that things will get brighter. For He has ordained my steps, Psalms 37:23. Also my pastor spoke on having life while you can. So I will not be defeated, I will get up tomorrow and have life!

I hope these messages have blessed you.

Hope Lost

With all the chaos going on in this world, it is nice to sit back and reflect on God’s word. It speaks to you when the world shuts you out. It comforts you when the world had shut you down. It mends your heart when the world turns away. It gives you hope when the world shows no sign of it.

Psalms 119(NLT) is my overall topic. It spoke to me and I would like to share it with you. This particular psalm is a Hebrew acrostic poem which takes a single word in the heading and has a sentence or phrase after it using the same word. (Ha learned something new today)

Psalm 119:2 reads, joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him in all their hearts. Searching for God is a hard thing to do in a world full of sinful desires. Have you ever tried searching for him in a crisis situation? I have, for instance,the sandy hook Incident. (Brace yourself and don’t judge) I saw a different message than what everyone else saw, which is that we are letting our guards down, which is something vital.

Psalm 119:5 Oh,that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees. Are our lives reflecting what God wants, or are we simply doing what we want and tagging his name to it? Psalm 119:18 open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions. Have we asked God to open our eyes? Or are we just trying to see him through the flesh? Psalm 119:49 remember your promise to me;it is my only hope. And Psalm 119:114, you are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope. Look to him for hope, not your situations and solutions. Remember that the Lord your God is faithful, Psalm 119:90 your faithfulness extends to every generation, as enduring as the earth you created. He does not change, we change. He loves you and even though it gets tough and hard to find him, search. In every situation search for his love. It may be hard, but try. He may even bless you for making an attempt to try. I finished a book recently The Shack  by Paul Young. It is a good novel and very insightful. It talks about forgiveness and brokeness. Also how to see God in a crisis.

My prayer for you is that you don’t lose sight of hope. It still exists even when the world shows no sign. Be blessed.

What size are you? Part 3

Long time, I know, before I begin, I would like to shout out some blogs that truly inspire and make me think. My DC’s blog, My Best friend’s blog, and LaRae’s blog. Now on with the blog.

A conversation at work led to another “talk to people before you judge” moment. My job is changing things and I’m getting to work with people that I have never worked with. While I am conversing with my coworker, some spiritual nuggets begin to drop into my spirit. “Some things are not what it seems.”

We talked about relationships, past and present. Also about health, coworkers, and other topics, and it came to my conclusion that she was not what I thought she would be. I figured she would be a chill person, but not wholesome.

This brings me back to my previous statement, get to know someone before you cast characters on them. I have heard a lot about this person, good and bad, but I am glad that I made myself vulnerable to get to know this person. Vulnerability is tough. People do not like to be vulnerable because they may get hurt, but I’m telling you that it is okay to show a little vulnerability. In Matthew 7:6 it says, “don’t throw your pearls to pigs”. Basically, don’t act foolishly. In other words, if you know this person gossips then why share your secrets. But sometimes we do not know how this person is until given a chance. It takes courage to give someone a chance and vice versa. Being courageous will take you out on a limb, but at the end of the day there could be something promising awaiting.

I’ve been hurt through being vulnerable, but I have also been blessed tremendously. Life is too short and too promising to sit it out and not share your true colors. Take a chance today and show someone a vulnerable side of you, whether it’s to say, “I love you”, “forgive me”, “Jesus I need you”, etc… take a chance with someone today. Be blessed.

Muscle of Faith


Faith, in Hebrews 11:1 reads, “is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” (NLT) 

This week has been trying, not so much in the physical but in the spiritual, for me. Do to scheduling conflicts and financial means I have not been able to see my best friend and it kind of hurts. My friend, who also has a blog lori1520.wordpress.com, has been dealing with a lot concerning school and activities. It is not easy, especially juggling multiple schedules (I Know!) and it is getting a little trying for my friend. She has a great spirit and is strong in her relationship with God. I am very proud of her as a person and sister in Christ. She is my “Sister Warrior in Spirit” http://sbmaige.blogspot.com/2011/11/sister-warriors-in-spirit.html. Unfortunately, there is a time of separation in our paths.

Along with my best friend, I also have another person on my heart this week. My grandmother is an amazing woman, not saying she is perfect, but she is a strong woman to me. She has endured a lot and continues to fight for the ones she loves. Lately, there has been losses in the family and she is always there to support. She has also been taking care of my grandpa with his illness and my great-grandmother as well. She holds positions at her church and is also a teacher. It’s apparent that I love and respect my grandmother, but she is in need of help that I cannot provide.

Now my faith is being strengthened.  God has truly blessed me with wonderful people in my life and I share their pain and joy. Right now, I have to have faith that God will take care in ways that I cannot. I read in Hebrews 11 about faith and even though I cannot see the end result and it seems like it wont happen, I have faith(hope). I pray that God will take care of my loved ones in their time of need. I pray that things, even though they look impossible, will be conquered.

This holy week, while we look to fellowship and resurrection, I urge you to pray for someone close to you. I am. In Job 42:10 it reads, “When Job prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes. In fact, the Lord gave him twice as much as before.” (NLT) Share in the blessings of others and yours will be just around the corner!

A campaign for YOU

I cannot think of anything to talk about, yet I have so much on my mind. Go figure, right. So I am just going to express a little encouragement. This world has ways of troubling people, especially believers of the most High. I am with you on this.

If you are experiencing a low moment in life or simply need an extra push then this is for you. I have seen multiple terminations lately in several companies. My husband and I are reminded daily that jobs are not stable anymore, but thankfully we serve a God who is full of mercy and grace. He looks out for His sheep and protects them.

Lately, I have been hit with the “my job sucks” atmosphere in my life, but I must remember that I am there for a reason and to be grateful. Ironically, one of my co-workers has continuously been encouraging me to pray. So I did. I would pray silently at work, before work, after work, when I got home, as I went to sleep, when I woke up, and before I would work out. I can honestly say it is working. I felt a sense of peace when I prayed to the Father. He recognizes His children’s voice. He also recognizes sinner’s voices (Thank You Jesus!). 

Lord, I pray for those who know you and for those who do not. I pray in Jesus’ name that no matter the situations that may unfold today that you will be there. God grant us your peace, mercy, strength and grace to do the things we need to accomplish. Grant us your love to be shared with others. Give us the courage, wisdom, and strength to administer when necessary. Thank You Jesus and Amen!

Hopefully this brings a little encouragement to your life or your day. Remember God is great. He is awesome and loves you VERY much! He is here for you! Have a blessed day, week, month!

The Vow

     My marriage is important to me, it is a commitment, covenant, I made before God and close people on earth. I cherish my relationship and my husband. There are vows that are taken in marriage and sometimes we must remember those vows.

     For instance, I have been dealing with one vow in particular, through sickness. I have been in the hospital and doctors office, in the past 2 years, more than I have ever been in my entire life. And it is not because of me.

     But, No matter the circumstances in life or the illnesses your spouse goes through, you must be there. It’s hard and challenging. When you exchange vows, you never think of the challenging situations you’ll go through, but as life has been unfolding I have been faced with the challenge of loving through sickness.

     I get annoyed and irritated having to take care of him and also myself, but that is the price of marriage. The apostle Paul said that marriage is
not easy and it is better to remain single for the fact of distraction. I honestly agree, don’t get me wrong, I love being married, but it does have its distracting, nerve wrecking moments.

     But, no matter the situations in life, I still would not want to be living without this wonderful person in my life. I love him and I’m willing to sacrifice for him. Thank you Father for my husband.

Doing Nothing

      The other day I contacted an old classmate, to see how they were doing in life. Didn’t not know that I was going to be encouraged by the conversation. We talked about life, work, and possible careers as paralegals. Unfortunately, she had to let go of some promising things due to health and scheduling reasons, which were also my problems as well. Throughout the course of our conversation, my classmate gave me some great advice. The  best advice she coached me on was productivity.

      Being productive is a keen thing for me right now. With all the relaxation and time to myself I still want to be productive. Lately, I have not been feeling very productive because as I’m not in school, and not really working on my future career as a paralegal. But my classmate told me to reinvent the word productive. To rethink what it means. Being productive does not have to come from an major goal being accomplished, it could simply be just accomplishing a couple of minor goals. For example, going grocery shopping or cleaning up the house is a minor goal. Productively achieving this goal will lead to you feeling more accomplished and productive.

      After listening to my classmate, I understood that even a little thing can bring great rewards. So what if I haven’t started my career yet, and haven’t finished college, does that mean I’m not smart or serious? No, I am smart and serious about my goals in life and will achieve them when the time is right, but until then I will remain productive in my small achievements in life, such as, paying off debt, working, tending to my family matters, and growing in God. In the end I will be blessed. Even now I am blessed.

      Even though things may not seem perfect in your life and you’re wishing for better situations, just take a second and realize that the small victories are powerful! God knows all and sees all, He will reward in due time.

Lane Change Opportunity

On Sunday I heard a message relating to the talents that three boys were given in Matthew 25:14-28. They were all given talents. Some more than the other, but this lesson was more about the opportunity.

Recently,I have been moving at a much different pace that I am not used to at all. I have slowed down and am focusing on my relationship with my Father. I can notice a little change but I must stick with it. One of the hardest lessons I’m learning right now is to be excellent in my own lane. Also, to not become jealous or depressed by others around me.

It seems pretty simple, right? Well, to talk it is one thing, but when you have to walk it out, that’s another situation. I have a friend and right now in our relationship we have switched lanes. I have taken a back seat while she is flooring the accelerator in the driver seat. At first, I was a bit jealous because I was not moving and she was, but now I see a different side. When she is feeling overwhelmed by everything going on I am there to help (because I’ve been there). And vice versa.

It is remarkable what the Father will do to expand our relationships/friendships. A few months back I would have never thought of our friendship to be where it is at, but the more we stay In our lanes the more God shows up. I am not officially over the jealousy factor, I’m working on it. I just have to remember to stay in my lane and run my race to the best of my ability, only then will I inherit what God has for me.

Doing a lot of Nothing

Good day,
       What to say of the tragedies these days, that’s all I’m going to say on that.

       Right now, I’m going through a quiet time in my life. It seems that the more quiet time I receive the louder the world is becoming. For example, my journey currently calls for me to sit back and chill in God`s presence. Work on the inner and relax, but everyone around me has become extremely busy. I am the type to run around and move 120 mph. Yet, my pace now has slipped into neutral. Only moving when I feel a push.

       It’s not easy sitting still and watching life move. I feel as if I am losing or missing out on life. But who knows where this may take me. God may be calling me for a greater journey soon, but if I don’t take the time and sit down I may run, or speed, right past it. Well, now that I have encouraged myself, I guess I should encourage you. Learn to do nothing and know that you are doing a lot. That sounds like an oxymoron, but in simple do a lot of nothing it may get you somewhere.